Category: taking care of the place

  • sharing the Herb

    Herbie Hancock came to play Brisbane, it was bona fide. He and the band really loved it each other. When he came onstage, spontaneously people in the audience stood up, one by one, until pretty soon we were all standing. We wanted to acknowledge his effort and grace, the effortless grace and hard work. He mentioned a ‘Wayneism’ by his friend Wayne Shorter, who recently died: “Jazz means, ‘I dare you.’”

    He told us, Kamala Harris has to win, and a shout went up. The room felt so joyous. Afterwards there was a long queue for the merch counter, at which we could buy not one of his 53 albums but they had assorted t shirts, and hoodies, and tote bags and a baseball cap. At the end, he wouldn’t leave the stage, the band were all gone and seven hundred people standing applauding. Herbie went all along the front row, shaking hands or a fistbump with one after another, and one guy asked him a question and he dropped down to his knees and started talking, and the two of them were talking and we were all just standing there, happy and rejoicing and wanting to be present. And I had this fantasy that the audience would disperse and go home, and the great hall with its vast pipe organ would be empty, and the two of them sitting there, going Yeah, man. The fusion, the half diminished, the monster drummer. The music.

  • shriveled bulb of god

    shriveled bulb of god

    My stomach feels like a shrivelled bulb after two martinis, no dinner. Whoever invented alcohol is my god: right now, my god. The last time I had one of those (a martini, a god) was in New York, it was summer then, I came out of the studio where we had been working on the album I’d wanted to make since 1999 and whose songs had been written over fifteen years and it was all so exhausting, so wonderful, on the street a man came past me pedalling his cab, a pedal-cab, like the becaks that used to carry us to the markets when I was a child, in old Batavia. “Take me to a rooftop bar,” I said, and the next twenty minutes were alive with light: those huge buildings shooting up into the sky like terraces, palaces, penthouses’ skeletons, every one stippled with windows alight and the warm evening breeze exciting my cheeks. I was crying with joy. New York! New York! Like Berlin she is one of those cities where on the subway, on the bridge, under the trees you would cry out “New York!” and feel like she hears you. So I found a banquette in the scarlet-lit rooftop bar that was rapidly filling with Manhattenites after work and I told the Spanish bar girl, I like olives, so she made me a martini festooned with skewers, each one so laden with green olives it was as though the glass had greenly exploded. I sat and sipped, turned my pages and sipped. After a while the volume level rose and I drew out the headphones I had bought that day, a remote birthday present from my Australian family, began listening back to the work we had made. Tonight was very different but same, same, same. This Russian bar in my leafy street that I’ve passed several dozen times suddenly beckoned, as if it were a painting of a bar that had come to life. I went in. “Can you make me a dirty martini on Bombay Sapphire?” And she did. The bar was tenderly tended by this woman, in 1950s sailor costume, her hair spooled back with nests of pins behind her ears, the luscious soft sound of the ice cubes as she rattled my drink u and down over her shoulder then poured away all the vermouth down the drain. Apart from the dark-haired girl in a beanie studying at the bar I was then her only customer. The dark-haired girl looked up and said to the bartender, This is so hard. I took my drink by its frost stem and the two of us drifted outside, wicker chairs where in a little while the bartender would come round with her basket, lifting aside the daytime posies of flowers and putting in their place red glass candleholders. I watched the street, where nothing passed. In an hour only two cars, ten pedestrians, five bicycles. The sky has changed, it is settled in a grey now and when I mentioned yesterday “you know at this time of year this means it’s grey for another five months,” the woman clearing my coffee cup said, “Ist das nicht furchtbar!” Isn’t that terrible! Well, yes, it really is. In the balcony opposite, on the first floor, three girl-silhouettes were enjoying their cigarettes. I wished I smoked. Occasionally a yellow leaf sauntered down through the still-warm air and landed on the cobblestones, in the garden bed, on the roof of a vehicle. I have never experiences a Fall before: it is what it is: life falls colourful to the ground. The dark cold skeletons reassert their empire. Winter is arriving, time to get out of here.

    ~ from Berlin via New York City, 2013

  • shriveled bulb of god

    shriveled bulb of god

    My stomach feels like a shrivelled bulb after two martinis, no dinner. Whoever invented alcohol is my god: right now, my god. The last time I had one of those (a martini, a god) was in New York, it was summer then, I came out of the studio where we had been working on the album I’d wanted to make since 1999 and whose songs had been written over fifteen years and it was all so exhausting, so wonderful, on the street a man came past me pedalling his cab, a pedal-cab, like the becaks that used to carry us to the markets when I was a child, in old Batavia. “Take me to a rooftop bar,” I said, and the next twenty minutes were alive with light: those huge buildings shooting up into the sky like terraces, palaces, penthouses’ skeletons, every one stippled with windows alight and the warm evening breeze exciting my cheeks. I was crying with joy. New York! New York! Like Berlin she is one of those cities where on the subway, on the bridge, under the trees you would cry out “New York!” and feel like she hears you. So I found a banquette in the scarlet-lit rooftop bar that was rapidly filling with Manhattenites after work and I told the Spanish bar girl, I like olives, so she made me a martini festooned with skewers, each one so laden with green olives it was as though the glass had greenly exploded. I sat and sipped, turned my pages and sipped. After a while the volume level rose and I drew out the headphones I had bought that day, a remote birthday present from my Australian family, began listening back to the work we had made. Tonight was very different but same, same, same. This Russian bar in my leafy street that I’ve passed several dozen times suddenly beckoned, as if it were a painting of a bar that had come to life. I went in. “Can you make me a dirty martini on Bombay Sapphire?” And she did. The bar was tenderly tended by this woman, in 1950s sailor costume, her hair spooled back with nests of pins behind her ears, the luscious soft sound of the ice cubes as she rattled my drink u and down over her shoulder then poured away all the vermouth down the drain. Apart from the dark-haired girl in a beanie studying at the bar I was then her only customer. The dark-haired girl looked up and said to the bartender, This is so hard. I took my drink by its frost stem and the two of us drifted outside, wicker chairs where in a little while the bartender would come round with her basket, lifting aside the daytime posies of flowers and putting in their place red glass candleholders. I watched the street, where nothing passed. In an hour only two cars, ten pedestrians, five bicycles. The sky has changed, it is settled in a grey now and when I mentioned yesterday “you know at this time of year this means it’s grey for another five months,” the woman clearing my coffee cup said, “Ist das nicht furchtbar!” Isn’t that terrible! Well, yes, it really is. In the balcony opposite, on the first floor, three girl-silhouettes were enjoying their cigarettes. I wished I smoked. Occasionally a yellow leaf sauntered down through the still-warm air and landed on the cobblestones, in the garden bed, on the roof of a vehicle. I have never experiences a Fall before: it is what it is: life falls colourful to the ground. The dark cold skeletons reassert their empire. Winter is arriving, time to get out of here.

    ~ from Berlin via New York City, 2013

  • cane toddler

    cane toddler

    I was lying on my bed reading in the stifling heat today and a cane toad went hopping past my door. I found him in the hallway looking inscrutably lumpy, there followed a prolonged episode in which I tried and failed to persuade him out of the house using squirts of water, squeamish jabs with a flyswat, cunningly angled opened doors, loud noises. Finally I forgot him and feel asleep with all the doors open and I woke up and he was gone. Down into the garden where he can go on destroying native creatures. Also today it was so hot I drove my car (parked under cover) five minutes down the road and already the roof was too heated to touch. You couldn’t have fried an egg because it would have evaporated. As I backed into the shade once more I spied a curling yellow tail hanging out of the rafters, belonging to a possum who evidently sleeps there during the day, and none of my door-slamming perturbed her.  

  • long-legged rock god

    At rehearsal with a Ghanaian band for whom it is imperative to have two different drummers side by side. There are three brass horn players and I have counted four different patterns of stenciled colour on the walls. The room is filled with people speaking Ga and Twi and pidgin and the carpet is striped. The hand drummer is unable to play as he keeps having to get up from his seat to dance. The kit drummer gives out commanding shrieks of joy. Brass section is tight. I didn’t want to sing Redemption Song but the bass player said, Tell our story. On the way home, I rewrote it on the back of the bike, saying Oh pirates, yes we rob you. Sell you to the merchant ships.

    But your hand was made strong/by the hand of the almighty. We had ridden two hours on a motorbike in catastrophic traffic to get here, scattering streetlight vendors selling popcorn and plantain chips and iced water in plump bags and millet milk from zinc pails on top of their heads, finally spinning onto a long rutted red dirt road consumed with dust. Gig is Friday night and it is going to be wonderful.

    ~ 1st December 2021, a different world

  • neither warmth nor depth

    I woke up strapped to the bed by six different apparatus. The last thing I remember is the surgeon greeting me at the swing doors, ‘Welcome to Theatre,” and I said, “Oh! How gracious,’ then, “I’m scared.”

    Of the leashes pegging me out like a goatskin my favourite is the pair of disco moon boots that wrap, white and puffy, loosely around my calves and plug in to a noisy apparatus to inflate and deflate, compressing the muscles as through walking. Getting out of bed is painful. I’ve several holes in my belly and one of them has a tube of blood coming out of it which is there to drain the wound.

    The last time I ate was Wednesday, it’s now Sunday. However we discovered I can still vomit copiously. Had a visit from my mother who sat down beside the bed and said, “Well I’ve been having a very difficult week.” She wanted advice on something uncomfortable in her household arrangements and I gave it. The next day my whole family visited at once, as I thought it would be less stressful to get it over with in the one lump. Mum reached over to hug me and managed to gouge her elbow right into the principle wound on my belly, the first time anyone had touched it. It was so painful I actually screamed. I thought I would black out. When I opened my eyes I found my brother and her two sisters gathered round her patting and soothing, while she cried, because she felt so very terrible about hurting me. When I said, rather bitterly I suppose, ‘Oh, please. Focus on Carol!’ in a bravely wobbling martyred voice Mum said, ‘I’m alright! I’m ok. Focus on Cathoel.’ And my aunt came over on pretext of straightening a blanket to lean in and tell me in a stern undertone, ‘Stop it.’

    I’m thinking of climbing out of bed (takes me a while) and going over to the whiteboard on my wall which has daily updated details for the nurses: I’m going to erase ‘liquid diet’ and put in its place ‘strawberries and champagne cocktails.’ I’m in bed 27, the age rock stars overdose, and I am alive and have survived. I’m on ward number 3D and indeed life is all technicolour this week and in three dimensions.

  • the men who hate women

    Hi Callum! Good morning

    I’d like to ask your advice as I don’t know now what to do with my free trial. Can we suspend it? Can I apply it to a different training group?

    I attended two sessions at the riverside park with Chris. Was super looking forward to it and excited to commit to my fitness and wellbeing. There were incidents in both sessions which made me uncomfortable and Chris’s response has just been ‘good luck finding a new group.’ He hasn’t offered to tackle the issue and when I replied with a summary of what had made me so acutely uncomfortable I actually left early, he didn’t bother to respond at all.

    I wasn’t the only one feeling uneasy. This is a female-based group in which women should be respected. We shouldn’t have to put up with our own trainer warning not to work too hard on our upper body strength because ‘Nobody likes a lady with a thick neck.’ A wave of disturbance ran through the women around me when Chris said that. Women’s bodies are our own. We’re not there for him to rate and deem more or less attractive. Women are entitled to be strong. We can be competent, powerful, fit, and active. If a professional personal trainer can’t uphold this, who will?

    The second session a man standing beside me, huge guy, made an off-colour remark that I found very distressing. Being still out of condition, I lay down a moment on my mat. A woman said, hey, it’s not lying down time yet! And this man with a big smirk remarked, “Darl, it’s not that kind of establishment.”

    Again, a ripple of unrest and disgust through the women present. Women were saying things like, Gross, that’s off, let’s all pretend we didn’t hear that. How disgusting that he feels it’s ok to evoke the spectre of prostitution and ‘establishments’ in which men have to bribe women for sex. How awful that even the trainer won’t speak up! (For comparison, imagine the trainer’s response if a customer made a remark of an equivalent level of racism). Women are used to being sexualised, at every opportunity, from the age of 10 or 11: most of us in this group were in our 40s, 50s and 60s so we have now been putting up with this trash for three or four decades. Why should we have to pretend not to hear sexist, degrading remarks which make women feel unsafe, in a professional training session which should be a safe space? We’re all wearing skin tight lycra and bending over with our butts in the air. It’s so upsetting that even here, your trainers don’t take care to make sure women feel welcomed and safe and respected.

    I’ve told a friends and random women serving in shops etc about this encounter and their response in every single case was the same. Don’t be fooled by the fact that women are conditioned to think it’s pointless to speak out. We hate it.

    Regards,

    Cathoel Jorss

    You might like to pass this on to your trainers to try to wake them up:

    https://houseoflovers.com/literature/street-crimes/

  • new yearn

    I want to wish everyone a beautiful festivities, in whatever shape you find them, the end of the year is coming and a new round of seasons upon us like a fresh page with the old year in invisible ink. In this difficult life on this ruined earth let us do the best we can to be gentle and fierce and active and happy. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Be awake and true and well.

  • revellers have taken over the world

    In a little Hungarian cafe I found a tourist map of Budapest. It very much resembles the summertime map of Berlin. All-night “party with a capital P” hotspots, hostels with wifi, a Sunday farmer’s market “to soothe your hangover soul.” When I got home, a trail of smashed-up pieces of coloured foil lay glittering among the autumn leaves through the house door. Revellers have taken over the world.

    The back of the fold-up map has a kind of jokey phrase book that made me feel I had never been young. Spelt out in comic-font phonetics are the translations for “Yeah, whateva,” “Good penis,” “Please may I fondle your buttocks” and “Harder, faster, now.” “How much for him/her?” gave me chills. By the end of the page the insouciant mood has soured into something more like desperation:

    I’m having a heart attack
    Don’t harrass me
    I’m thirsty
    My bum hurts
    I’m drunk
    Never again
    Help me
    Fuck OFF
    Don’t stop
    Goodbye
    Once more
    I’m lost



    ………………………………………………………………………..
    Berlin 2013. Found among some old stories.

  • stay with me

    Once an Islander man stepped out onto the pavement as I was passing. We both stopped and stood facing one another. My heart was beating very fast. He had intricate ranking tattoos all over his face and his eyes were very dark. ‘Don’t go,’ he said, ‘stay with me for a while.’