Tag: be the change

  • how tis.

    The courage… to get through life without this sense of home, without this refuge, whilst surviving a world which exploits our mothering kindness and assaults us for our femininity, is untold. But many many many women of my acquaintance will know exactly what I mean. I crave this home. Built with somebody who will not require that I mother and coach and be patient with him, that I endure his unkindness while he waits to work out whether he wants to grow. The difficulty, the sheer plain flat out arduous difficulty, of making our way through the years without this comfort, this kindness and safety, this home.

    I don’t have any children and have nearly no family. I have never had a man who was as kind to me as I was to him. I have been transferring my energy to men, all my life, since I looked after my dear daffy immature dad when I was six. Men you don’t even know we are giants who walk among you, we are so secret in our courage and our eternal resilience and good favour, we are a lot of the time unsupported and alone, we are bold.

    Respect women. Believe women. Support women. Listen to women.


    .

    “Happiness doesn’t lie in conspicuous consumption and the relentless amassing of useless crap. Happiness lies in the person sitting beside you and your ability to talk to them. Happiness is clear-headed human interaction and empathy. Happiness is home. And home is not a house — home is a mythological concept. It is a state of mind. A place of communion and unconditional love. It is where, when you cross its threshold, you finally feel at peace.” ~ Dennis Lehane

  • people’s republic of woodford

    Woodford. What I forgot is that it is less of a festival, more of a place. Wherever you go and whomever you see, the valley grounds hold everyone up to the sky and in the natural amphitheatre right up back the venerable trees stand watch. It must be ten years since I was there, the farm is becoming a forest. I looked for the three trees I have planted and could not, as ever, recognize them though I know which creek they bed. People streamed past dressed as butterflies, faeries, warlocks, saggy pyjama case bears, acrobats. A girl in a hammock turned her head and smiled the slowest smile. Children who had just learned a skill in a workshop busked it. Last time I was on this land was for the Dreaming, a festival of indigenous cultures from around the world. That was in winter and only lasted a few seasons of massive fire pits attended by volunteers. My MCing friend said It’s a good day to come, the dust has settled yet it’s not actually raining. At the gate I was nervous, a reflex response from the old days when I always had to perform. This was my first festival as a punter. The ease! We saw in the year on a hillside opposite a booming stage spilling execrable local dub (“all the people are here & the people are grooving, we got the music and the music is soothing”) and then, because someone had decided they would book a Hogmanay theme, blithering Scottish dance music. I have inherited Scottish blood but musically, no Scottish soul. It struck me as comical: imagine the Scottish composers composing this music: they’d have been saying to themselves, Well, we’ve got the solid wall of screeching bagpipes. But it’s just not screechy enough. I know! Let’s add in a screechy fiddle or two! And wait, we can also have screeching penny whistles. It’ll be magic!

    Quiet on the hillside soaking in the presence of the large, grave, lit trees I was glad when a girl came on and announced, “I’m here to calm you down.” She sang a lovely slow ballad and then everybody across the whole site lit candles and stood or sat together in a three minutes’ silence. I stared into my candle and cried, in silence. The wax burned down leaving little fiery blobs on my palm and I peeled them off, in silence. The flickering silence swept all down the hill and you could hear and more, feel it extended over everybody, not one person broke trust to bellow Happy New Year, everybody “set their intention” as the girl handing out tiny turreted birthday candles had advised and I could feel the piety, the wishes of a dozen thousand all resembling one another. Afterwards the band invited yet more people on stage and in front everybody danced. The set-up between the acts was filled with tap-dancers. Body percussionists led the crowd: “Peace and rhythms!” A bare-chested boy tumbled down the hill turning somersault after somersault. A man climbed up past us, almost bent double from the gradient, dressed in a suit made of light bulbs. Five girls stripped off their clothes and danced naked under the new moon, repelling with raised hands the lit LED necklaces with which an infatuated boy wanted to garland them. The grass was filled with tiny creatures biting and climbing, we were barefoot like the moon. The t-shirt I coveted on a bamboo stall had a tiny figure in silhouette standing with a walking stock, head thrown back, among the giant trees that here surrounded us like immense quiet candles and its legend ran along the ground, legend like a snake, Respect Your Elders. Coming down from a noisy dawn in a noisy trail of irreverent pilgrims we rounded a corner and a really drunk man coming uphill said, beholding our two great heights (“Oh look! A giant!”), “Oh. Wow.” Then he folded us into a big drunken hug, a kind of Come here, you, and the three of us murmured into each other’s shoulders “Happy New Year. Yes, You too. Have a good one. Have a great one.”

     

  • new year’s stain

    I was uncomfortable at Woodford to hear the Tibetan monks who had been hired to chant the festival’s “Dawn Ceremony”, alongside the thrilling singing of Tenzin Choegyal, being largely ignored or at best treated as background muzak while many people chatted and caught up, hugged loudly and with much syrupy performance, anointed one another with detergent bubbles and photographed one another. As the sun slowly rose and Tibrogargan was revealed giving the eternal thumb to the sky I wondered whether any other performers of the 2000 who comprised this six-day event would have been treated so rudely. Drunken revellers walked and stood in front of seated and even meditating patrons just in time to catch the peak moment – the sun’s disk coming up over the horizon – and with no sense of quietude or of having intruded on a gathering that had formed hours earlier. The main aim seemed to be to get a good seat. I kept thinking, people have no sense of the sacred. Then after a while I began to marvel that even the most oblivious people, even people who will ensconce themselves right next door to non-smokers and then light up, even those who call across a quiet crowd to their friends and then unfold crackling groundsheets right in the “front row”, really do have some sense of the sacred, however deteriorated – otherwise why would they be there? why not stay on at the Pineapple and dance some more? why not go home to their tent and fill the campground with dubstep? We were all drawn to that hillside to see in the year. We were all there to observe something – but I had a feeling that something was more observant than us.

     

     

  • nett cost

    Walking down the street in the wake of three blokes as confident as three galleons. Their coats blow open. It’s a fresh sunny day. Something small flies off to the side & I follow it into the flowerbed: one of those tiny, slender plastic stirrers that have, to my mind, no excuse for existing in the first place when the good Lord has given us reusable Spoons. I pick it up. Talking to myself (“C’mon, c’mon, so they get angry, you’ll live”) I catch them up and speak to the centre galleon, whose billowing trail of steam indicates he has bought a coffee. “Entschulding. Ist das deine?” Excuse me, is this yours? He looks pained. “Ich werfe es in die Müll,” I tell him: I’ll drop it in the garbage. “Weil es so viel…” searching for the word and bailing out, “so viel netter ist.” Because that’s so much… nicer.

    He sort of smiles. “Das ist ja sehr nett von Ihnen.” That is very… nice of you. “Danke,” he says. I say, “Danke,” and the small storm of distress in my heart lifts and blows away. Confirmed once again in the ancient prejudice that people are sweet and kind, we just get confused, we just need to keep reaching one another.