In the museum today we followed the script, that is, the writing. Ancient forms of writing carved in stone, and some felled onto papyrus that was torn out of its location later and jammed into ‘found’ metal boxes. What is it about inhumanity that allows one to covet a culture’s gorgeously wrought temple at the same time as dehumanising them enough to justify tearing down the temple, or carving a chunk off it, and then rebuilding in a far colder climate in your own museum? We found this headstone densely scribbled which I so longed to touch. Only that I wouldn’t have put my fingers’ oils all over the ancient, four thousand year old stone. But if I had this in my house (I told my companion) I would rub my face over it every day: like this.
Tag: museum
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these teachers
Went to a museum of ornate Islamic art and have finally learned the difference between Sunni and Shia. They began wrangling as soon as Muhammed was dead. Sunni say, the head of the church should be elected. Shi’ites say, it must be a direct descendent of Mohammed. Meantime the streets are quiet as people close their offices to commemorate the death of another teacher who was murdered 2000 years ago. These men and their legacies. In a lunchtime cafe, the only place open, a guy shrugging into his puffer jacket kicks the leg of my table and rights himself without even making eye contact. Whatever I have learned, I have learned from the sun on my closed lids as well as from daughters as well as from sons. I’ve tried to read the tea slops that spill into the rim of my saucer. I’ve tried to breathe before speaking. I feel alone & connected to everything. My heart is ornate and blue like a lake, like a cracked china bowl dug out of an old grave.
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Felix Nussbaum
Today I saw the paintings of Felix Nussbaum who because he was born Jewish was murdered at Auschwitz in 1944. My friend described how ‘we Germans’ had done ‘the worst thing’ by industrializing mass murder. I had never thought of it this way. Apparently Himmler watched a group of detained Jews digging their own mass grave and then vomited each time one was shot and tipped into it. His response was, we need to find a cleaner way of doing this; so the gas chamber was devised. (Why not, “we need to stop doing this”?) Standing in front of Nussbaum’s sensitive portraits and seeing from the dates he had less than five, four, three years to live it was impossible not to weep. We wept and choked and kept our tears silent. The museum gave onto neat German houses through a series of crooked windows, it is called the Museum with No Exit.
Afterwards it took a very long time to come to grips with my anger and fear and sense of terror and loss, with the grief, the resentment and yes, incipient hatred. I resented all of us for being here when so many sensitive and feeling people have died. I resented my own country, built on the backs of its own native populations and still dishonest about the murders in police custody and in jails. I could feel in my responses how easy it is to start blaming people and how delicate and difficult is the work of keeping one’s heart free of the pernicious weeds of resentment, envy, fear, and suspicion. How easy it feels to start to build on the seemingly empowering intoxication of self-righteousness. They, they, they. We, we, we. All the way home. Alright.