Late night walk through the freezing fog. “Like Blade Runner.” We turn down all the opportunities in the park to buy pot. Here is a street where all the houses are Fifties, which must have been a firebomb hell in the 1940s. I stand there picturing it. Smoke curls up from the narrow tin chimneys of the caravans walled in along the water’s edge. Overhead, a syncopated honking. “It’s very late… for gooses to be flying around in the sky.” The laughter escapes between my closed lips. “Oh,” he says self-consciously – “I mean geeses.”
Tag: river
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walk on ice
Last week I stood on water for the first time in my life. So eerie. My friend rang, saying, there are people on the river! and I ran down to look. There they were, casual as anything, crossing the water from side to side. Today it is raining in a dreary way as though the clouds were melting and it occurred to me, so warm was it when I left the house, that it cannot be winter for ever. It seems like it’s going to be: but it won’t.
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the dark lit me home
I rode home after writing in a large dim room in silence with four other people. The evening blue was ripening to black, like a terrible bruise. In the dark other, unlighted bicycles hurtled past, people were strolling. The cars make way for bicycles and the cyclists make way for pedestrians and dogs. It is warm still and all the bars spill into the street. At a local bar the owner has a shaggy Alsation who was lounging out front, his paws sprawling forward, his orange ball lying some distance away. People walked around him without question. His head was tilted and he gazed into the sky abstractedly, as if he was looking at the moon.
Today a boat went by under a bridge I was crossing on foot, just a little motor boat. Maybe the length of two bath tubs. Three people were sat in it, two wearing hats and two with dogs on their laps. They made a wide round and turned to the old rusted pontoon which may perhaps be where the bridge was once footed. The pontoon protrudes into the stream and is painted bright yellow, like an inflatable dinghy, for safety. The man with the doggie on his lap cut the engine and the three of them floated, inspecting the guerrilla garden of bright flowers someone has planted in the rusted out hollows.
To carry the soil there and fill the rusted holes with fertility, to scramble down the bank every couple of days to water the plants: this seemed to me a beautiful enterprise. I showed the photos I made to a friend who said, Yes: I heard the guy who made that garden painted the outer rims black, because it was lovelier. Then he was fined because it was unsafe; and now all the old metal is yellow again. After our conversation I came out again onto the tree-lined street and rode home, following the moon all the way, more white than yellow, and hiding ineffectually in a tangle of treetops, in obscuring golden street lights, and behind partial cloud.
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riverfeier
Saturday night festival of explosions, fireworks and low-flying fighter jets scamming the river. I was standing behind five dark rows of people. Festive. Restive. Everybody chatting. The city stood lit up behind its bridge, then the fireworks started. Without hesitation the crowd bloomed like a field of poppies, dozens of tiny, high-held screens. Disbelieving, I looked around. Everywhere people were holding up their phones at arm’s length like you would hold a small child to show them a marching band. It was impossible to watch the world without seeing it onscreen and multiplied, as though we were standing in a broadcast instead of our lives. A girl near me held up her phone for so long that when the fireworks died the blokes behind her asked, “Aren’t your arms getting tired?” She tucked the screen in to her chest and began seamlessly typing and scrolling. No pause. “Imagine there’s no heaven,” I thought. “There was, and there still is, but who cares.” Watching her mouth tuck itself in at the corner I translated, out of the dim bitterness of my heart: At Riverfire. Amazeballs, you shd see it. Luv u Brisbane.
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never the swain
Two swains drifting like white roses on the dark canal. My Berliner swain calls them swains and I never correct him. Similarly I refrained for reasons of selfish enjoyment from pointing out to an earlier, South Australian swain, who though a native speaker was heartily dyslexic (he called our chimney ‘the chumley’), that the swans’ babies are commonly called ‘cygnets’. ‘Look Oel. A mummy and a daddy swan. And all the little swanlings.’
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eternity’s train
Because I have lots of fears I am constantly setting for myself little and large tests of courage. Where I am staying backs onto a river and it’s out in the country and quiet. So tonight as it grew dark I set out for a walk along the bank.
This might not sound very scary but the path is narrow and in places, eroded, and more importantly as it grew dark I had a nervousness of who might be lurking in the woods. I said to the trees as I stepped off the narrow footbridge onto a sandy, forested island, Protect me, trees. The water raced by at my side, gleaming and opaline, milky and green, crying out its river sounds. The bushes growing over the path are very often spiky; I think if I were a shrub growing around so many beavers’ nests I would be inclined to be spiky, too. I let my feet fall as quietly as I could. Rounding a bend in the path I saw firelight fluttering up ahead. I stayed quietly behind the screed of trees, knowing that while I could see them I would know that they couldn’t see me.
Three men; young men; really, boys. One of them was building the fire. The other two got up and flung themselves into the fast-moving current, surfacing with howls of pleasurable dismay at the cold.
I went round the path to where the boy stood, pulling leafy branches off a pile behind him and stacking them on the blaze. His fire of course was very smoky and looked like it wouldn’t flame so high for long. I was almost upon him. I said, in English, Hi, just loud enough that he would turn and see me before I got too close. As is usual with potential aggressors when you face them, they are a human who has worries of their own. Of course, I had seen that from many yards away, otherwise I would have taken a different path. He said, Gruezi, looking a little nervous, himself, and I said, Gruezi. When it was almost dark I crossed a railway bridge with the water piling and piling round its piers. It was foaming so loud I did not hear the train. It came rushing out of eternity into the moment where I lay, my belly exposed to the armies of darkness, lay in rigid smooth standing position, facing the train and with both my hands holding the narrow railing, there is only a meagre though adequate walkway built alongside the track, high above the river, and people’s faces and meals were passing in the dining car in shuttling fashion segmented by the fast windows, only an arm-length or two arm-lengths distant. Without meaning to I shrieked a long scream like a train’s eerie whistle. The train passed in seconds and I crossed over the high bridge, recovering, thankful.
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duck surfer
Watching an adolescent duck flying upstream and surfing down, flying up and surfing down, over and over on the fast-moving river. Finally he hauls himself out on a low-hanging branch and sits there, drying in the sun, quacking with satisfaction.
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a plan for the rest of the year
It occurred to me today I might read only Sebald and Shirley Hazzard, alternately, for the rest of the year and read deeply rather than widely. This novel is so good I have just sat down and read thirty pages aloud in the afternoon sun, the leaves scratching shadows on the page and the riverwater spiralling past my feet.
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the little swanlings
On the lake, ducks and ducklings, geese and goslings, and a pair of swans bobbed about with the tiny grey morsels of fluff my dyslexic ex used to call ‘swanlings.’ “Look, Oel! A mamma and a pappa swan… and all the little swanlings.”
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jousting
Guy sauntering through the pretty part of town with a flashing, winking keychain, silver and the size of a beer coaster, jouncing at his groin. Its flashing and winking caught my eye, and then he caught my eye, with a smug, knowing look which spurred the mean hope that he may never get close to any woman again.
Girl wheeling her bike alongside the lake, its rear wheel throwing up pinkish white blossom in tissuey arcs. I walked behind her like a bridesmaid, the bottoms of the green Spring trees stroking soft as mothers across the crown of my head.
